Safe & Sound
by FromScratch413
Summary: Inspired by the Taylor Swift song. After a traumatic event, April needs Jackson, even though they're dating other people.


**Before you start reading, I want you to know this story involves rape. I thankfully don't have real-life experience to draw from. But I researched the examination specifically. I don't ever do as much research as I should, perhaps. I don't exactly know if there's a way to get this right, and I hope it doesn't offend anyone. It was just an idea that came to me from a prompt. I'd never thought I'd be strong enough to tackle something this intense...but this is what came to me. There IS potential for more here...a whole story of healing came to me. Not that I know the end but...it turned out to be pretty intense to write so...I just wanted to get this part up. If you guys are interested, I might continue.**

 **As for what this has to do with "Safe & Sound," the prompt asked for a story inspired by the Taylor Swift song. I listened and thought about it and...this is what came. Also, while writing I either was watching random TV or listening to the song on repeat. So...I took the request pretty literally. I hope you like this.**

* * *

They were on a date when she called him. And now Meredith Grey was pushing Stephanie out of the E.R. like she was not only unwelcome in the hospital in which she worked, but a stranger.

"Callie will take you home, right Dr. Torres?"

"Oh, yeah, yup. Absolutely. Not a problem. Let's go." They started pushing her away from Jackson, who was whispering with Arizona at the nurses' station.

"Wait a minute. My boyfriend had barely taken a bite of his steak when you called and he dropped everything, threw his card at the hostess and…I have a right to know…"

"Actually, you don't. And don't wait up either, he's not calling you tonight." As Meredith spoke the words, Callie tried to gently turn Stephanie toward the door.

"If it's about Catherine or Harper and he wants me here, I deserve to be…"

"He doesn't Stephanie, he doesn't…" She relented, because Callie seemed to be right. He hadn't looked at her since they'd arrived.

Jackson took a deep breath and entered one off the private rooms they kept separate from the ER, for cases like this. He heard Meredith snapping at Stephanie in the distance, but nothing registered before he entered the room and looked at her.

She was sitting on the exam table in a hospital gown, auburn hair tangled beyond anything he'd ever seen, nests of knots covering her head. She was dirty. There was almost a brown tint to her face as a result, and a huge gash across her cheek. Her face and arms were covered in bruises. She had fought hard.

She was looking straight ahead, but there was nothing behind her usually bright and determined hazel eyes. She was empty.

"Hi." He had walked in the room, but remained standing.

"Hi," she gulped.

"So…I'm here, they're going to call the nurse trained to examine you now. But are you sure you don't want Arizona or Matthew in here? I can call him for you, I…"

Jackson had dealt with rape victims before. He was a plastic surgeon at the largest hospital in Seattle. After the initial exam, if he was on call he was often asked to stitch up their gashes, like the one on her face right now. In extreme cases, he'd even done reconstructive and cosmetic surgery for victims. But he didn't have any experience beyond that, besides what was in med school textbooks. He was not required to be a certified examiner, so he'd opted out. He'd never seen a rape kit examination, and was sure he couldn't handle this, handle hers.

"No! My ring is….it's…" April looked down at her empty left ring finger. "I want you. I asked for you…please. Don't leave me here." She whispered down at her feet.

They were on good terms, but not particularly close at the moment. Her engagement was hard for Jackson. Even though she would've ended it had he said the word, he'd pushed her away because she'd said yes. She'd made her choice before the bus exploded. So now, months later, they were just careful, cautious friends.

He nodded and pulled a swivel chair toward him, rolling near her. "Ok, well…I'll…I'll just be here then. I won't leave you. You tell me which way to look, where to be…I won't touch you."

She shook her head back and forth wildly. "N-N-no please don't touch me."

"I won't touch you," he repeated for her. He also shook his head back and forth, telling himself it would help her register the words. But it was really to force the tears that were threatening to come out back in. He had to be strong for her.

* * *

"Hi Miss…Kepner," a nurse in pink scrubs that neither of them had ever seen came in, looking down at her tablet.

"Doctor," Jackson said, trying to be sensitive to April, but loud enough to make a point.

The woman looked up and jumped at the sight of Dr. Jackson Avery in jeans and a button down shirt. It startled her to see him out of context, but even though he never came to the OB/GYN wing, located ten floors up from where they were, everyone knew him. "Dr. Avery, I…"

He ignored her. "That is Dr. April Kepner. She is a board certified trauma surgeon at this hospital and your superior. Please treat her as such."

She nodded vigorously at Jackson. "Yes, of course." She looked at April for the first time since entering the room. "Dr. Kepner, I'm Courtney Ratan. I sincerely apologize for disrespecting you. I'm not the only SANE-certified nurse here tonight, if you'd feel more comfortable with someone else."

"I just want to get this done so…" If she weren't traumatized she would've noted the irony of this nurse apologizing for bad manners after she'd just been raped.

"Right, of course…I'll get to it. It is your desire to have this examination done, correct?"

"Yes."

"I need to let you know that I'm going to be asking for some very…intimate DNA samples tonight. It is the survivor's right to refuse any one of these at any time or stop the examination at any time. Do you need me to clarify what any of that means?"

"I'm certified. No. Can you just…not use the word survivor again, please?"

"Yes, of course. Alright well, all of your belongings are already in evidence bags so…I'm going to start by gathering the samples and then move on to a complete medical history and exam. There will be law enforcement here afterward to take your statement, as you requested. It is the…your right to change your mind about the statement as well. But, seeing as we're examining you so soon after incident, with your statement and the DNA there's a very good chance the perpetrator will be caught if…"

"I know." All of April's words were whispers.

"Right. Let's get on with it. May I take a sample of your hair?" she nodded. "Will you allow a cheek swab?" Courtney asked, after carefully plucking hairs from the top of her head. Another nod.

It continued like that, the nurse going down her body and collecting samples, April nodding and every once in awhile looking over to Jackson for…Something. He didn't know what. He guessed support, but every time he looked at her, her eyes were dead. He wasn't sure anything was registering. Not that he knew he was providing anything valuable.

"Next is the vaginal sample, would you like to continue?"

April gulped and turned to Jackson. "Turn please."

He'd been prepared to do whatever she needed, but was relieved when she asked. He was a doctor. On the surface, he could handle watching the entire exam. But he'd started falling in love with this woman at one point. Watching this was the first time in his life his heart actually came close to breaking. April nodded when he turned and lifted her gown.

Courtney cleared her throat a minute later. "Will you allow an... anal sample?"

"No! Please no."

"OK. We're supposed to remind you on first refusal that the more…"

"SHE SAID NO!" The sheer volume of his voice startled them both. "Sorry, April. I didn't mean to scare you." He'd sensed her unease before he turned back around and hated himself for causing it. He just wanted to make her feel safe.

"Sexual history," Courtney said, awhile later. "How many partners have you had?"

"One."

"And have you had consensual sex with him or her in the past year?"

"Him. Yes."

"I know this is intimate but…can you please be as detailed as possible about the type of sex you have had."

April turned and blinked at Jackson. He assumed that was her version of pleading at the moment, though there was still nothing behind her eyes. "You want me to…" She nodded. Maybe that was why she wanted him here, Jackson thought. She'd want the exam, he knew that. But maybe she just couldn't handle the thought of answering the sex questions. He was the only other person who could answer those. That made sense to him.

"I…I was her partner, that's the next question, right? And she's had vaginal sex and received oral and…manual stimulation. I don't know if you need that but…"

"All details are helpful. Are his correct, Dr. Kepner?" She nodded. "And, have you given any oral sex or manual stimulation?"

"No." Jackson answered for her. She'd not been ready. "And you can have my DNA if you need it."

"Jackson, of course it wasn't you." She looked right at him, through him.

"And your relationship is monogamous, Dr. Kepner?"

"Oh…we're not…he's not…"

"We're not, we weren't….but I didn't…it was, technically."

April cleared her throat, finding words. "Matthew Taylor is my fiancé. But we haven't done anything…I mean, clothes stay on."

"It is possible to…" Courtney started.

"Oh I know. We're…I mean, we were abstaining until marriage."

"Are. You are abstaining until marriage, April." Jackson was fuming inside, and she hadn't even given her statement yet. But, just the fact that she was feeling even the slightest bit of guilt about being raped enraged him. He was so angry with the man who'd stolen the life from April Kepner's eyes.

* * *

She gulped in the middle of her statement an hour later, seemingly unable to continue. Jackson slowly reached out his hand, but retreated further from him when he did. "….And then, he threw me on the ground and…h-h-h-he d-d-d-d-id it again."

The police officer cleared his throat. "Sorry ma'am. Did what?"

"Oh COME on!" Jackson snickered, he didn't mean to ruin her focus, he just couldn't hold it in.

The man, to his credit, stayed focused on April. "I'm sorry. But I need you to be as specific as possible. We try to be sensitive, but can't always get a female officer to take these statements."

She just nodded. "He…threw me to the ground and then flipped me over, so I could see he was wearing something black over his head. H-H-e told me he wasn't going to kill me…but…b-b-b-b-ut me fighting turned him on….that's what he said….maybe if I hadn't fought he would've left but…"

"It's not your fault April, please stop blaming yourself."

"Then he, he entered me again while I was on the ground and when he was finished, he left. I found my way back to the main running path after a few minutes and called my friend." Meredith Grey. They weren't the closest of friends, but Meredith knew how to handle trauma. Arizona would be too emotional. And she didn't find the courage to say she needed Jackson until they'd gotten to the hospital, when Meredith was trying to insist on calling Matthew.

She almost physically couldn't handle the thought. So that's why Jackson was there listening as she went over the details of how a masked man held her at knifepoint while she was on her evening run, and led her to a secluded overgrown part of the trail to rape her from behind, slashing her cheek when she dared a scream or attempted to elbow him. And then, threw her face first on the ground and flipped her over to rape her all over again.

He tried not to react, to think of her as a patient, but it was impossible. She wasn't just a patient, or even just a girl he used to date. This was April. He was too prideful to say it was ever full-fledged love, but it had the potential to be. And even though their hookups had been mostly just for sex, he'd always tried to make sure she had a good experience. More than he did for other women, if he were being honest. There was pressure being someone's first, even though he'd tried to be cool about it. That might've been why hearing her repeat these details made him feel so sick.

When April finished giving her statement, Courtney came in to talk about aftercare. A follow-up check up was scheduled, a private practice psychologist's card thrown in a purse, and then…

"Would you like emergency contraception? I don't bring it in unless…there's no pressure."

Again, she blinked and looked at Jackson. He took a sharp breath in, definitely surprised to be needed for this particular decision. "Me? April…I can't be the one to…you need to make this decision on your own. Or, or with Matthew…I can call…you should….you should really tell him."

"Stop talking about him! I want to know…if it were Stephanie…"

"We're not getting married, it's different. I'd want her to do whatever she wanted." But, it wasn't Stephanie, though that thought didn't make the pit in Jackson's stomach go away.

"Well I asked you what you think so….please!" Courtney thankfully had decided to give them a minute.

"I know, and you know that biologically speaking…right now, there is no life inside of you, no matter what you believe…conception is not instantaneous." But she needed something more. "And…I don't think it's healthy, exactly, under these circumstances, for anyone involved to…"

"OK." She whispered and looked down at her lap.

"Ok?"

"Yeah. I just needed someone to….my mom would say that…" she tried, but couldn't look him in the eye. "But…"

"It's Ok, April. It's OK to take the pill." She nodded, and when Courtney came in, she asked for the medication.

"You have done very well, Dr. Kepner. The last thing to address is that gash. I'll get the plastic surgeon on call."

"It's Lidberg. But….may I do it for you, please? I'll try not to touch you unless I have to."

"Yes, please."

"Thank you for trusting me."

Courtney got him sutures and supplies. April had been so strong for hours, giving her statement and all of the DNA samples. But when Jackson got up to go to the supply closet, she touched him for the first time all night, to stop him.

Meredith came in to help speed up the discharge paperwork, and felt almost embarrassed for interrupting his process. Of course she wasn't walking in on a romantic or sexual moment, but there was something intimate about it.

Jackson didn't always have the best bedside manner with patients, especially conversationally. But there was something about his eyes. When he was suturing anyone, he looked right at him or her, and encouraged without a word. Meredith wasn't exactly sure what had gone on between he and April, but the scene in front of her was heartbreaking. Or it was beautiful, she couldn't decide.

He was going so slowly, as if his life depended on sewing up her face without potential to leave a scar. And he was looking at her like she was the only person that mattered in his world, because she was, in that cut was deep, and pretty wide, it wasn't an easy job. But any time he saw the slightest wince, he'd look right at her and say "good girl, you are so strong," and Meredith thought she even heard a "you're beautiful" once when April shed a tear, but it was too quiet to be sure.

* * *

"I don't think you should be alone right now. So, I think it's time to call Matthew. You can do it at my apartment, have him come there and tell him. But…"

"Stop!" She was still whispering, but there was emotion in it, at least. "I couldn't let them call him. Because I wanted you. I don't know why. I don't want him. But, I didn't really give you a chance to back out. So, if you want to, you can now. You can just take me home. But I don't want to talk about Matthew anymore. Please."

"Ok, Ok. I'm not backing out, no way. I'm here. I'll be here for you as long as you need. We'll just go to my place, OK?"

She wiped the tears that she'd only allowed to fall when he gave the right answer. April wasn't sure she'd ever know why she felt so comfortable expressing emotion with Jackson. It wasn't as if he was very comfortable with it all the time. But perhaps it just was what it was, he was her person.

"I only have cream of chicken soup, sorry. It's so random but…I eat out a lot. I could try to scrounge something else up, but I really think you should just eat as fast as possible, take meds and sleep." He apologized, looking at the contents of his sad pantry when April came out of the shower, wearing his Mercy West matching sweats.

"It's…that's fine. I'm not even really that hungry." Normally she'd jump in to help, but just sitting up and holding a conversation felt like work.

"But you've got to for me, with the meds."

"I will."

"How was your…I mean…are you ok? Hot water stay on?"

"Yes. It was fine, thanks. Your house is nice."

"Thanks….it's hot so, careful." He said, putting the bowl in front of her.

They were silent as she ate, sitting on a stool and moving the creamy chicken liquid around for longer than she had to. He stood on the other side of the counter and mostly just watched her, though he pretended to clean the counters as soon as she caught him.

"I made up my bed for you, I'll just be next door in the guest bedroom." He was cleaning her bowl, but also watching to make sure she swallowed every pill.

"Thank you." She didn't have it in her to protest. "I'm gonna sleep now."

"Ok, I'll be right behind you. I'm just going to grab my laptop."

"Oh…you don't have to sleep just because….unless, do you have the early shift tomorrow?"

She started walking toward the room, like nothing she was saying was strange. "I'm not going to work tomorrow. Or the next day. Then…we'll see how you feel."

"You're not working because…me?"

"Of course I'm not going to leave you alone in my home after…." He stopped himself. She was in some sort of state of denial and…he didn't want to push her out of it right now. "You wanted me, so…"

"I work the graveyard."

"April, Owen's got you covered all week."

She just climbed into bed and pulled up the covers. "You'll be close?"

"Right next door."

"You can leave now."

He heard her sobs begin as soon as he closed the door, and put his forehead to it, forcing himself not to go in. She didn't want Matthew. He might've been able to guess her reasons, but Jackson still found it weird. Because he could tell she needed some kind of comfort she wasn't asking for. If they were together, he'd give it right away but…there was him to consider.

When Stephanie had kissed Shane a couple weeks before, Jackson hadn't cared much. He was ready to break ties, and they were just now getting comfortable again. But he had a feeling Matthew Taylor would have a big problem with Jackson sleeping in the same bed as his fiancée. He might even be angry no one at Grey-Sloan had called him. But April was calling the shots tonight, and any time anyone said his name she tensed up.

Jackson knew the man wouldn't hurt a fly. April was just ashamed or embarrassed or afraid to tell him. Probably all of those in one. Hiding out at his apartment was going to make everything messier for both of them. But Jackson was glad she was there.

A half hour later, he was trying to respond to some Avery Foundation guidelines for Grey-Sloan when he heard a piercing scream come from his bedroom. He ran to her, and found her asleep, but thrashing around in the covers.

"NO! PLEASE STOP….PLEASE DON'T….NOOOOOO!"

"April, wake up. It's just a nightmare." He tried a loud whisper over the bed, not wanting to scare her or touch her. "NO! DON'T…PLEASE DON'T KILL ME. I'LL BE QUIET!"

"April!" she finally stopped moving and opened her eyes, startled. He saw that instant of fear in her eyes, and no longer cared about lines fiancés might not want crossed. "Sorry I scared you….but….when I had nightmares I preferred people wake me so…"

She nodded. "Me too. Sorry I…"

"No it's fine. But…would it be alright if I stayed with you tonight? I know you don't want to be touched but…I can build a pillow wall or…Just…you're really moving around there. I'm afraid you might pop a stitch, or…"

"Ok."

"Thanks."

He started out of the room to go get more pillows but she reached out to stop him.

"You don't have to. You can touch me."

"OK, thanks. Just to wake you up if…" He crawled into bed, careful to keep distance between them.

"No."

"No?"

"I mean, maybe it's OK if you….maybe you can hold me please. Just so I don't move. I might not like it. But then I'll tell you."

"Sure. All you have to do is tell me."

She curled up close to him, facing his chest. It was an awkward position at first. But she said she wanted to see his face first if she woke up again. When she finally relaxed, her emotions took over again, and she started shaking and sobbing in his arms."It's OK, April. It's OK. Just close your eyes. You're safe now."

"I know."


End file.
